Today is the 4th anniversary of my sweet boys’ passing. In honor of the precious, short time they were here I have written a poem in their memory. (To read their story click HERE).
A rainbow baby is a baby born after a miscarriage, still birth, or neonatal loss. It is called a “rainbow” because it is something bright and beautiful following something dark and painful.
This is the first time that I’m really putting this into words instead of a stream of consciousness, abstract depictions, or endless tears – although I am sure there will be tears shed throughout this. The mommy guilt is mired deep in my thought process of this experience. So, here we go. For better or worse, let’s go on this journey together.
Toddler Sleep Issues
Having a toddler around the house can be a lot of fun, and boy are they cute, but toddler-hood brings with it a special brand of sleep challenges. You may have had an excellent sleeping baby, but when they hit 18 months or 2 year things changed. They became extraordinarily skillful at finding ways to NOT get the rest they need. It can be very difficult to find the right way to address these challenges. You don’t want to encourage them. It’s important to ensure that they don’t become overtired (which causes even more sleep problems). Here I will discuss some of the most challenging toddler sleep issues and give you the best tips for handling them.
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” – Ernest Hemingway
As I write, I sit here and bleed. I bleed from my heart, my body, and my mind. Miscarriage is something that no one talks about; a forbidden topic. No one talks about all the questions, the pain, and the unforgivable grief clothed in tears. There is a cone of silence and pure isolation that no one can remove. But now, because I am writing this, you know that it is all over, and you know that my life has changed… forever.
When my husband and I first met, I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship of 3 years. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, and neither was he, but it was almost as if the universe had called us together. We both had a bit of baggage and trust issues, and yet we were still drawn to each other. Our sweet Kane was a huge surprise. We were scared because we hadn’t been together long, but we were committed to each other; committed to our baby. There were fights and bad times, but through it all we loved each other.
As you can imagine, I get lots of comments on the ages of my children.
“You sure do have your hands full.”
“How do you do it?”
“I would go crazy.”
In response, “Yep. I have NO idea. And who said I wasn’t?”
You’re locked in a bed room when suddenly you’re thirsty. The only way to quench your thirst is for someone on the outside to bring you a drink. So you begin to call out. Over and over. Again and again. But no one ever comes.
As most of my family and friends know, along with my Facebook and Instagram followers, my four year old is EXTRA sassy. This morning she presented me with an opportunity that I just couldn’t pass up. This will be the first of many “According to Lana” segments!!!
In the days before…
On February 10, 2014 I went in for what I assumed would be like any other prenatal appointment. I had been dilated to 2 centimeters since 28 weeks and was so proud that my body had been able to keep my baby from coming too early. I was convinced that she was going to be a preemie and there was nothing I could do about it. Yet, here I was, 38 weeks pregnant. And waiting.