It’s a Guest Post, Y’all!
Before my grandmother died, I watched her shrink down to the bones.
Watched her vibrant blue eyes slowly fade.
And I didn’t want it to happen.
I was secretly hoping that the special treatment that she flew thousands of miles away for was going to work.
That she’d get to meet my future children. And my husband.
But none of that happened.
Instead, she was taken from us.
And we were left with the grief of losing someone we truly loved.
I loved thinking of the times she used to take me to the movies, the way she cooked. I kept thinking that she might walk around the corner at any second and cherishing her last words to me in a letter she wrote.
Grief can catch us at the most random or inadvertent times.
It can seize our minds, and make us cry at commercials. We wonder where our loved ones are and what they are doing.
It is a feeling of loss.
Losing out on the moments spent with them, and what you could have done with them in the future.
Eventually, it fades, and the tides of anger, sadness, and hurt begin to subside.
But if left alone, grief can grip you, even years later.
What is grief?
We experience grief when we lose someone or something. This could be death, a person moving away, abandoning, getting lost, etc. It’s any situation where you lost something you care about.
How does it appear?
Grief is very real.
It’s often easy to push the thoughts away, thinking it doesn’t really matter.
“I’ll see that person again.” Or my personal favorite, “They’re in a better place.”
It shows up as a longing feeling. Often it presents as anger, sadness, or a deep fear that we aren’t good enough. That last piece is especially true if the grief stems from abandonment.
We’ve all hear of the 5 stages of grief:
These 5 stages are widely accepted as true, but often people overlook the fact that they don’t necessarily happen in order. Sometimes, you will be sad one day, and the next you will have numbed yourself completely to the memory of losing that person or thing.
Why you have to show up for yourself:
When we are born, we all possess different personalities and abilities, but we all have purpose.
We ALL have a purpose.
Maybe yours is to dance while your neighbor’s is to cook. Everyone has a special combination of skills and personality traits that help them accomplish their soul’s purpose.
“What does this have to do with grief?”
When we limit ourselves by ignoring our feelings, we inadvertently limit ourselves in other ways, too.
I was only 17 when my grandmother died, and I was very ill-equipped to deal with the emotions I was feeling. Sure, I cried a lot, but further than that I stalled the process.
I didn’t know how to deal with these emotions, what they were exactly, why they were coming to me, or when they would end.
So, I did something that was a little bit easier to digest…..I numbed my feelings.
It wasn’t a conscious decision that I made, rather a sub-conscious fear that I held onto. I was truly afraid of the process of my emotions, and even more afraid that she was really gone. As a result, I hid in things…. Like television, traveling, drugs… Anything that would get me away from what was inside me. Anything that would get me out into the world so that I didn’t have to think.
In case you were wondering, it didn’t work out well for me……
The path I was on slowly tore me down and made me a shell of who I really was. It made me shrink myself down to nothing. That way I didn’t get in anyone’s way, feel anything real, or live in my body in the present moment.
It took me a long time to reroute my path to the one I am on now.
This new path allows me to write pieces, much like this one, on things like grief and help other people around the world heal.
This is something that I was born to do; it lights me up inside and makes me feel connected to my purpose.
I showed up for myself.
How to show up for YOURSELF
The universe is a beautiful thing.
If you believe in God, then call Him God.
If you believe in something else, then call it that.
Whatever you want to call it, there is a divine presence that is guiding you. Once you begin to tap into it you’ll be shocked, amazed, in-over-your-head scared, and moved beyond anything you’ve experienced before.
And guess what. This divine being? It WANTS you to heal!
Like desperately, waiting outside with a boombox DESPERATELY, wants you to heal.
You just need to ask for help.
How can you tell that you need to heal?
The first step is to ask for guidance.
We don’t want to be stuck in our shadow lives, so I don’t think you should spend too much time analyzing every feeling and moment that caused you pain. Actually, doing that too much is trying to control the course of your grief. You can’t control it, you just have to live through it.
***P.S.- If you’re in the very recent throws of grief, please seek counseling. Seriously.
To ask for guidance from God, just close your eyes, take a couple of deep breaths, and focus your mind on what it would mean to be free from your grief.
If this is speaking to you, then go ahead and do that RIGHT NOW!
Great! Now, how was that?
What did it look like to be free of your grief? What words would you use to describe those feelings?
Freedom? Acceptance? Love? Happiness?
Okay, now close your eyes again and recite this prayer: “I am ready to receive guidance from You. I open my heart fully to my healing journey. Thank you for giving me confirmation that I need to heal. Thank you for guiding me.”
And then you let go.
You can say this prayer after meditating, doing yoga, or after a nice, long shower. Say it when you’re really spiritual zone, if you know what I mean. You can say this prayer 2-3 times a day until you feel like you have truly been released from the hold that grief has on you. Breathe consciously as you say it.
And then YOU LET GO.
You will be supplied with the situations and the people who are meant to help you heal.
Now, often these situations can be a bit scary. If you need guidance along the way, check out my free mini-training in how to let go of your pain and live in the conscious presence of the universe.
Thank you so much for reading this today. I wish you freedom from your grief and love along your journey to living out the life you dream of.